Quantum Mechanics (week two)

The reading for this week has reinforced for me the way we, especially westerners, like to feel that we have a grip on things. Tangible, quantifiable things appeal as do things we feel like we can understand or better yet, control.

"The only thing constant in life is change." I've heard this saying and used it myself often over the years especially when life feels unpredictable or the future seems unclear. To find certainty in there being uncertainty, a change into something different but unknown, feels like a perfect paradox. 

As a "planner" type of person, I always feel better when I feel like there's a plan: not so much a daily one but something of a life plan. Even if it's bound to change, feeling like I have direction is incredibly calming. That said, the practice of surrendering that not everything is in my control has always been an excellent practice for me as it helps me weather the unpredictable upheavals of life's events. 

Recently, I had an experience that illustrated uncertainty and causality very clearly in my life: 

I was having a bit of a rough morning and went to yoga class before school. In the yoga room, we arrange ourselves and I positioned myself in my semi-usual spot but ended up in the middle of two people who I don't usually practice near. As class progressed I got more and more of a uneasy feeling about the position I had chosen. The people around me are people I'm friendly with and yet I still felt like it was not right for me to be in that spot. My intuition was telling me to move, but I stayed put. Towards the end of practice, in a sequence I've done near daily for 6 years (as have my friends who I practiced near) the guy in front of me kicked me in the head. He had no idea I was right there behind him and he had looked over his shoulder before moving his feet. Two years ago, I would have been high enough in the pose that he would have seen me and avoided smacking me in the head. However, now, I go quite low and so his quick glance missed me altogether. 

I then wonder: Was there something about the uneasy feeling I had that made me move differently and thereby make myself less visible to my friend in front of me? Was the universe giving me those uneasy feelings to help me move out of the near inevitable karma that was headed towards me? After six years, why does this happen now? As my yoga practice was really unfolding beautifully lately, was this a universal lesson to not get too attached as now the certainty I felt previously about my practice progressing has become uncertain as I manage a stiff neck? 

I have resigned to believe that yes, I should have honored my gut or whatever feelings I had that day that felt like signs to move even if they were "irrational" perhaps. And that accepting uncertainty is the best thing to do because otherwise it's just temporarily fooling oneself, and soon enough life events will present such that it is impossible to ignore the uncertainty or to recognize that you were wrongly certain before. 

One more reflection to share: I really enjoyed the below passage from "A Wink from the Cosmos," by Meg Lundstrom. I definitely believe in there being special karma or energetic connection between people and events. One of my teachers, Robert Svoboda, wrote a wonderful book, Aghora, about his teacher in which he describe Ranubandha (I may have the word wrong as I read it a year ago when I borrowed it from a friend) which is essentially that there's a special energetic connection or karma between individuals and that if your paths cross that it's a sign that your paths crossed at another time in another embodiment. This kind of cycling back after being apart for some time idea came to mind in reading about the photons that regardless of the distance will effect one another within the same moment. Both ideas stretch my beliefs but also seem very possible as there are instances like the one described below that illustrate the connection beyond space. 

As was true with Carrie and Dan, synchronicity seems to appear often at times of personal crises and at such passage points as births and deaths. Sunbathing on a Caribbean beach with her friend Sandy, Mary found herself thinking sadly about Beth, a mutual friend of theirs who had died unexpectedly two weeks earlier. Softly, she started humming "Amazing Grace." When she finished, Sandy said, "That's so strange. I was just thinking about Beth, and `Amazing Grace' was her favorite song." Mary was stunned: she had never associated the song with Beth. They later learned that at the exact time Mary had been humming, Beth's family had been holding a private memorial for her.

Given what I've written above and believe in to a degree, yes, I would agree that the Universe is weird in its way of having an element of the supernatural and that it is at times unsettling and at times delightful.